19 Years

19 years of life.

19 years of smiles.

19 years of laughter.

19 years of tears.

19 years of sorrys and thank yous.

19 years in the loving care of Christ Jesus.

On Friday 11th May 2012, I turned 19. Looking back over the past year, I have so so much to be thankful for. It has been, without a doubt, the best year of my life so far. This time last year, there is no way I could have pictured what my life would be like and I certainly wouldn't have been as bold as to imagine it this good.

  A lot of people won't know this but in the last few months of 2010 I found myself struggling with mild depression. I was halfway through my last year of school, I had auditions to be worrying about for music courses, I'd recently dislocated my knee cap and so practice on my flute was more arduous than usual, I had a piano exam that I HAD to pass, I was struggling with the fact my Mum was going to be getting remarried- it felt like I had all this stuff to deal with and I just couldn't do it; it was too much.

 Without dwelling on that too much, everything that I was worried about back then and that I thought was too much for me to deal with, God took it and made it wonderful.

• He lead me away from music, which I had been planning on doing in higher education for years by that point, and lead me to chemistry at Edinburgh University. Nobody I know ever dreamed that I would end up studying a chemistry degree at university, in fact even my 6th year chemistry teacher was kinda shocked (probably didn't think I was good enough, woteva!), but in some twisted, only-God-could-make-this-up way, it's worked and I can't imagine doing or being anywhere else!
• My Mum being remarried is one of the most blessed things that has happened. They are so happy and God has just blessed them and their marriage so much, and although it's sometimes upsetting because my Dad isn't here, my Mum is happier than she's been in a long time and that's what's important.
• God threw everything up in the air and put me in catered accommodation. I applied for self-catered, and after I had fulfilled my conditions for Edinburgh I still didn't get an offer for accommodation until eventually, they told me I had no other option but a bunkbed room in catered accommodation. This seemed absurd because 1) I am a fussy eater and so being in catered accommodation just made no sense and 2) I thought there was no way I could afford it. However, looking back now I can't imagine how different my life would be if God hadn't switched things up; I have met the most incredible and lovely people who I plan on being friends with for a long, long time (if that's okay with them!) and after having no close, God-orientated friends throughout my high school career, I now have an abundance of them! God is so faithful.
• I have found a wonderful church which is just a continual blessing and has brought a new meaning to my Sundays.
• I'm currently in the middle of fundraising for a mission trip to Cuba! I've never been on a mission trip before and, to be honest, probably wouldn't have pushed myself into doing it by myself and I certainly wouldn't have gone as far away as Latin America! But God is sovreign and has a plan! I'm so excited that God is using me in this respect and I can't wait to see how He will use this trip, not only to help me change those around me, but to change me and my perspective and and continually challenge me in my relationship with Him.

I could literally speel on for ages about how much I have to be thankful for over this past year, but I think you get the idea. For those of you who are of the "How can you know for certain that God is real? Where's the proof?" clan, I know in my heart, for certain, that God is real because, not only is He in my heart but He makes Himself evident in my life! He leads me, guides me and even speaks to me! Imagine that, the Almighty Creator of the Universe would stoop so low as to have an intimate relationship with me; an imperfect sinner who's constantly letting Him down and making decisions that are contrary to what He would have me do. WOW, is that love or is it love?

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you so much for all that you have given to me, all throughout my life, even the things I didn't like at the time. I thank you that you are sovereign and that you have a plan for my life in which you are glorified and I am sanctified [made more like the Lord Jesus]. Thank you that, despite all the times I let you down and do things that I'm not proud of, that you don't love me any less because of it because I am your daughter through Christ, who you sent on the greatest rescue mission in history to save me. Lord, I pray for all those people out there who are hurting and who don't know what it's like to have you in their lives, I may not know their problems and hurts but you do and I pray that you would put your hand of comfort and healing upon them and really make them aware that you love them regardless of who they are, where they're from, the things they're not proud of, or whether they like men or women. I pray you would just speak to them through circumstances in their lives that they may see you and recognise that all you want is for them to be saved and to get to know you, so that they might spend eternity with you in heaven where there is no sin, no crying and no pain.
 Father, please go before me in my life and may I continue to get to know you better and to love you more, no matter what the circumstances. I love you,
 In your son's precious name,
Amen