So, where do I even begin?
This last year for me has been huge and God has done more in my life than I could have even hoped or dreamt for. A year ago, I had just come back from my orientation weekend for going to Cuba where I met my team for the very first time and learnt more about where I was going, and I was buzzing. I had no idea that a year later I would be leaving my chemistry degree behind and be preparing to return to Cuba as a missionary for 2 years, as of January 2014.
I told you it was big.
After returning from Cuba last year, I knew that I had been called to serve God as a missionary in Central America. From before I even left, I knew I wouldn't be wanting to come home; every day I was in Cuba I counted the days I had left to cherish in this amazing country with these precious people. I was right, when it was time to go home I didn't want to leave; I had come to feel so at home and I wasn't ready to leave it all behind. I had discovered what I was meant to do, where my gifts were meant to be used; university wasn't even worth the comparison.
Before I went back to university, my Mum and Step-Dad had one of their quarterly bible teaching days in our village community centre. Our former pastor was speaking about two of the tribes of Israel who decided they didn't want to live across the Jordan River in The Promised Land but instead settle in a place called Gilead because they thought the land was better for them. The story thus far is that the Israelites have just spent 40 years in the desert after being freed from slavery in Egypt, and are preparing to finally enter The Promised Land. Our pastor was saying that often as christians we decide what is best for us and how far we want to go, and by doing this we try to put limits on what God can do in our lives and where He can take us; we get so satisfied with where we are that we're not willing to move on, whether we've been told that the new is better or not. I don't know if he said anything specific that really hit me, but while he was speaking I felt God saying to me that I now knew that I had been called and it wasn't my decision when that calling took effect, and I wasn't to finish my time at university. I immediately spoke to my Mum about it but, as all mothers I'm sure would, she told me not to be silly and that it was probably just nerves about going into 2nd year and moving into a flat. This seemed very plausible and so I tried to put it to the back of my mind and not think about it anymore.
When I did get back to uni, something didn't seem to fit anymore. I had less work to do than I had in first year, but for some reason (but one I probably knew deep down) I just couldn't focus. I got everything done but I was never happy with it. The leaving uni issue was still at the back of my mind and I couldn't help but think of it from time to time, but really, what was the probability of God really asking me to do that? Nobody leaves uni to pursue missionary work, and if they did they would either look foolish or lazy and just looking for an excuse. I didn't want to appear either of those things.
In November, I was down south (dear Englanders, this is what we Scots call anything south of The Border) for a debrief weekend with Latin Link- the organisation I had gone to Cuba with. It was a bittersweet weekend in some ways; it was lovely to remember and laugh about our time spent in Cuba but unfortunately only half of the Cublahs (nickname for our team) were able to make it. All weekend there were different talks on various things, naturally including ones on further mission work and investigating a calling to mission work. I decided I needed to take some time out to pray- I couldn't ignore these feelings any longer. After I finished praying, I felt the Lord tell me to read my devotion for that day:
I still wasn't certain if that was in context of leaving university but I knew I needed to start listening. I felt God say to me very clearly that I wasn't to seek the counsel of men or their advice, but I was to ask for prayer instead as I sought His will. I did this by firstly emailing my pastor at and then also emailing my grandparents who are missionaries in Thailand. My Grandpa got back to me and spoke to me about how God called him to be a missionary when he was 19 also, but he was in the army at the time and so it was right that he finish serving there first. This was in line with the thoughts of all my family members who knew at this time, and it felt like I was battling against them to make them believe I really felt God was saying this to me and it wasn't just some phase I was going through of wanting to leave university.
Over the next month or so I tried not to think too much about it as I went through my semester 1 exams, as I'm pretty sure Christmas exams drive many people to consider leaving university under normal circumstances. However, I couldn't help but continue examining the situation and trying to discern whether the things that were happening were God continuing to speak to me or whether it was my overactive imagination trying to provide its own confirmation. By the time it came to the end of exams and eventually New Year, I decided that there had been too many small "coincidences" and times I'd felt God speaking to me for me to not come to the conclusion that He was asking me to leave university.
I told this to my Mum but she told me that she wasn't going to be on board with it until God had given me solid confirmation from the Bible. I wasn't too impressed with this firstly because I'd never asked for nor received this type of confirmation before and secondly, because by this point I was so concerned about doing what God wanted me to do I didn't trust myself to discern whether it was Him speaking to me or just my mind making things up. However, later that week I felt the Lord say to me that if I asked Him for confirmation from the Bible then He would give it to me. And so I prayed and told my Heavenly Father that I wanted to do what He wanted me to do, whatever that was, and asked Him to give me clear confirmation from His Word and that I would be in no doubt as to whether it was from Him or not.
The next morning (it was a Sunday) we had a guest speaker at our church and I felt very clearly that God was going to speak to me. The message that morning was on Hebrews 11:8-18.
"By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going." Hebrews 11:8
I knew in the moment I opened up my bible and saw that verse that it was the confirmation I had asked for the night before. However, just to be absolutely certain, I asked the Lord that Mum would recognise that too without me having to say anything to her. And she did. It also turned out that when Mum and Don had been out at a fellowship evening the night before they had shared something of my situation and they too had prayed that God would give me clear confirmation!
That was when I officially made the decision that I wouldn't be returning to university after the Summer. Although I guessed my leaving would probably be to make way for something to do with my calling to be a missionary, at the time I had no idea what God had planned for me instead of continuing my degree.
Over the couple of months following, God continued leading and guiding me in gradual steps until I realised that what He had planned for me was what I hadn't realised I'd wanted all along: to return to Cuba on an individual placement with Latin Link.
2 years ago, I had just left school and was planning on obtaining an MChem from Edinburgh University and christian mission wasn't even close to being on my mind. Now I am leaving my former ambitions behind me and pursuing the dreams I didn't even realise that I had. Although there are sacrifices involved with working as a missionary overseas, they are nothing in comparison to the joy that is mine through doing what I know God has called me to and the blessing I have known and will know as a result of putting faith in the Faithful God.
"Jesus said, "Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life..." Mark 10:29-30
When we surrender everything we have to Jesus, He can and will do amazing things with what we give Him. It's never easy but it is always worth it. God knows our hearts way better than we do, and He loves us more than we will ever be able to understand, comprehend or appreciate- He is always worthy of everything we have to give to Him and He is able to do waaaay more with it than we can! Surrendering to God is like making an investment where we get infinitely more back from it than we put in. I could never have imagined where God would take me, but when I look back at my life I can see that He has been preparing me for it all this time. I want to leave you with this scripture which I have really come to understand and know in my heart through all of this.
"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith- that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead." Philippians 3:7-11
Nothing is of greater worth than knowing Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Saviour, and there is nothing more rewarding than putting your faith in Him and giving Him all you have to give. Put everything in His hands and watch the blessings flow.
"After Sanctification, it is difficult to state what your purpose in life is, because God has moved you into His purpose through the Holy Spirit. He is using you now for His purposes throughout the world as He used His son for the purpose of our salvation. If you seek great things for yourself, thinking "God has called me for this and for that," you barricade God from using you. As long as you maintain your own personal interests and ambitions, you cannot be completely aligned or identified with God's interests. This can only be accomplished by giving up all of your personal plans once and for all, and by allowing God to take you directly into His purpose for the world. Your understanding of your ways must also be surrendered, because they are now the ways of the Lord.
I must learn that the purpose of my life belongs to God, not me. God is using me from His great personal perspective, and all He asks of me is that I trust Him. I should never say, "Lord, this causes me such heartache." To talk that way makes me a stumbling block. When I stop telling God what I want, He can freely work His will in me without any hindrance. He can crush me, exalt me, or do anything else he chooses. He simply asks me to have absolute faith in Him and His goodness. Self-pity is of the devil, and if I wallow in it I cannot be used by God for His purpose in the world. Doing this creates for me my own cozy "world within the world," and God will not be allowed to move me from it because of my fear of being "frost-bitten." "
-November 10, My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers
I still wasn't certain if that was in context of leaving university but I knew I needed to start listening. I felt God say to me very clearly that I wasn't to seek the counsel of men or their advice, but I was to ask for prayer instead as I sought His will. I did this by firstly emailing my pastor at and then also emailing my grandparents who are missionaries in Thailand. My Grandpa got back to me and spoke to me about how God called him to be a missionary when he was 19 also, but he was in the army at the time and so it was right that he finish serving there first. This was in line with the thoughts of all my family members who knew at this time, and it felt like I was battling against them to make them believe I really felt God was saying this to me and it wasn't just some phase I was going through of wanting to leave university.
Over the next month or so I tried not to think too much about it as I went through my semester 1 exams, as I'm pretty sure Christmas exams drive many people to consider leaving university under normal circumstances. However, I couldn't help but continue examining the situation and trying to discern whether the things that were happening were God continuing to speak to me or whether it was my overactive imagination trying to provide its own confirmation. By the time it came to the end of exams and eventually New Year, I decided that there had been too many small "coincidences" and times I'd felt God speaking to me for me to not come to the conclusion that He was asking me to leave university.
I told this to my Mum but she told me that she wasn't going to be on board with it until God had given me solid confirmation from the Bible. I wasn't too impressed with this firstly because I'd never asked for nor received this type of confirmation before and secondly, because by this point I was so concerned about doing what God wanted me to do I didn't trust myself to discern whether it was Him speaking to me or just my mind making things up. However, later that week I felt the Lord say to me that if I asked Him for confirmation from the Bible then He would give it to me. And so I prayed and told my Heavenly Father that I wanted to do what He wanted me to do, whatever that was, and asked Him to give me clear confirmation from His Word and that I would be in no doubt as to whether it was from Him or not.
The next morning (it was a Sunday) we had a guest speaker at our church and I felt very clearly that God was going to speak to me. The message that morning was on Hebrews 11:8-18.
"By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going." Hebrews 11:8
I knew in the moment I opened up my bible and saw that verse that it was the confirmation I had asked for the night before. However, just to be absolutely certain, I asked the Lord that Mum would recognise that too without me having to say anything to her. And she did. It also turned out that when Mum and Don had been out at a fellowship evening the night before they had shared something of my situation and they too had prayed that God would give me clear confirmation!
That was when I officially made the decision that I wouldn't be returning to university after the Summer. Although I guessed my leaving would probably be to make way for something to do with my calling to be a missionary, at the time I had no idea what God had planned for me instead of continuing my degree.
Over the couple of months following, God continued leading and guiding me in gradual steps until I realised that what He had planned for me was what I hadn't realised I'd wanted all along: to return to Cuba on an individual placement with Latin Link.
2 years ago, I had just left school and was planning on obtaining an MChem from Edinburgh University and christian mission wasn't even close to being on my mind. Now I am leaving my former ambitions behind me and pursuing the dreams I didn't even realise that I had. Although there are sacrifices involved with working as a missionary overseas, they are nothing in comparison to the joy that is mine through doing what I know God has called me to and the blessing I have known and will know as a result of putting faith in the Faithful God.
"Jesus said, "Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life..." Mark 10:29-30
When we surrender everything we have to Jesus, He can and will do amazing things with what we give Him. It's never easy but it is always worth it. God knows our hearts way better than we do, and He loves us more than we will ever be able to understand, comprehend or appreciate- He is always worthy of everything we have to give to Him and He is able to do waaaay more with it than we can! Surrendering to God is like making an investment where we get infinitely more back from it than we put in. I could never have imagined where God would take me, but when I look back at my life I can see that He has been preparing me for it all this time. I want to leave you with this scripture which I have really come to understand and know in my heart through all of this.
"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith- that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead." Philippians 3:7-11
Nothing is of greater worth than knowing Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Saviour, and there is nothing more rewarding than putting your faith in Him and giving Him all you have to give. Put everything in His hands and watch the blessings flow.
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