My Fathers

In the UK, this Sunday the 16th of June is Father's Day. All over the country people will be worrying about what presents to buy, whether to go for a funny or emotional card and other Father's Day related concerns.

Those of you who read my blog as my friends will know my story, but there will be those of you out there who don't. It's not the first time I've taken this holiday as an opportunity to share my story, but I rejoice that everytime I share it the truth in it is no less valid.

I was born the second child in what was to be a family of four children, and grew up in a loving and God-centered environment. If you were able to watch my childhood, you may say that my parents were strict and perhaps over-protective- I probably thought it at the time as well- but looking back I can see that my parents gave me the best gift they possibly could have: they brought me up to know God and His love for me, and to love Him in return. Although I officially "prayed the prayer" when I was five years old, I really feel that God was all over my life from the very beginning- there has been no point in my life where I have known what it is to live without God's presence in my life. From a young age I had a very intimate relationship with God and trusted Him in everything; I was in no way a perfect child, but God gave me the gift of a hunger for His word and a thirst for His truth.

  Not only did I have a close relationship with my Heavenly Father, but I had one with my Earthly Dad, too. I was a real Daddy's girl, and there was nothing I cherished more than a good snuggle in the protective arms of my Dad. I know that a lot of girls will be able to testify to the fact that there are few things more truly comforting than a man, whether a father figure or boyfriend/husband, holding you and knowing that the care they have for you is real and that they will look after and protect you. One of the memories of my Dad that sticks out the most for me is a Sunday afternoon when I was 8 or 9. By this point, my parents were actually separated and we spent every second weekend at my grandparent's house around the corner where my Dad was living, and so on this weekend it was my Dad who took us to church. On this particular Sunday, I began feeling ill during church and so afterwards my Dad arranged for my silblings to be taken to my Mum's parents for lunch as usual while he took me home and looked after me. We got home, and I spent the afternoon wrapped up in a woolen blanket on the couch cuddling my Daddy as we watched the original Parent Trap movie. I felt loved and cared for, and being in a family of four kids, it was really special to spend this time just the two of us.
  At around 11 o'clock on Wednesday the 8th of October 2003, I was playing my flute in front of an audience for the first time. Little did I know that at the same time, my Dad had been taken home and was now worshipping at the feet of our Lord and Saviour in Glory. For a lot of 10 year olds, that day could have been described as the worst day of their lives; the most traumatic experience they could have gone through. But amidst the grief and the shock surrounding me at that time, the strongest thing that I felt was not loss, nor anger or confusion over why this had happened, why now, why my Dad. Instead it was a supreme peace, not generated from lack of chaos or from positive circumstances but from the knowledge that my Heavenly Father, Creator God, the King of the Heavens, was still in control. He loved me, He knew me better than anyone ever could, and He was going to take care of me and my family.

Isaiah 41:10

And He absolutely has. I don't want you to think that it has been easy and I'm just some crazy person who obviously has no emotion; I'm not. Over the last 9 and a half years there have been tears and there has been heartache, times where I would do anything just to spend a little more time with my Dad, to know that he loves me and is proud of me. But more than all of that, my God has been faithful! He has shown me that He is worth every ounce of my trust and that He will never ever fail me.
  Some people assume that faith is blind, built on nothing and merited by nothing. When I look at my life, my faith is able to grow because I can see the trail of evidence for God's faithfulness (never mind His existance!) all throughout my life! Though the death of my Dad will never, and should never, be thought of as a positive thing, God has used it and continues to use it as a source of blessing in my life and I know, even though one could be forgiven for thinking at the time that God must have lost control for my Dad to have died or He couldn't have loved me enough, that my God is so much BIGGER than all of these things! He can take the horrible, broken things of this life and turn them into something beautiful that is used for His glory! Just look at me: I am a broken and sinful person and, if left to my own strength and decisions, would make a terrible mess, but through God I can live in a way that is beautiful and honours Him. I still make mistakes, but my life is so much better when I surrender to God and admit that I can't do it on my own, believing and leaning on the promises that He makes to me in His Word.
  Although the loss of my Dad has left a part of me broken and weak, my God has not failed to care and cherish me in a way that only He is capable of doing. God doesn't let things happen in our lives to just expect us to live like everyone else. God knows the areas in which I need special care, and by His love and grace He fulfills me.

There may be some of you reading this who won't be celebrating your dad this Sunday, for whatever reason. Maybe you will be, but deep down you sense that there is something missing, there may be a need in your life you feel your father should but doesn't fulfil. Maybe your relationship with your dad is broken. I know the pain that the non-existance of a father or father figure can cause and the way that it can shape you as a person, and I often wonder where I would be if it were not for the grace of my Heavenly Father. I present my life before you today as evidence that there is a Father who never fails, whose love transcends all things and whose grace, power and strength are sufficient for you. All you need do is come to Him, brokenness, heartache and emotional baggage included. He can take it all. That's what God did when Jesus died on that cross! He took your sin, your pain, your weakness, your failures, everything that would ever hold you back from knowing Him and He nailed it to a cross. Jesus took all of that for you. He's just waiting for you to accept it.